Author Archives: Tandi Rogers

Three times per year First Unitarian Church of Oklahoma City (“The 1UC in OKC” as we like to call ourselves) holds a new member welcome as part of our worship service. These welcomes usually occur early in the service, the Sunday after we hold our “Path to Membership” course—which is offered either as three weekday evenings over three weeks or a half day Saturday,

The ceremony acknowledges the covenantal bonds that connect the congregation with new members affirming their intent to stand with the members of the church and existing members acknowledging every new member changes the church. During this ceremony, we also “open” the membership book to others in the congregation who have been attending for a while and think that this is the right time for them to make a commitment.

After we have opened the book, welcomed new members and acknowledged our covenantal bonds, we do one more thing that lifts up an important part of church life. We offer the new members, and the existing members, something of a warning. “Churches are not perfect,” we tell them. “Neither are the members who fill its pews, staff its committees or work to bring to life the vision we hold in common.”

What does this mean? We tell them that, “If you hang around this church long enough, one of two things—and likely both—will happen to you. Eventually you will disappoint the church or the church will disappoint you.” I used to tell people that eventually the church would “break your heart or you will break the church’s heart” but I softened the
language at the urging of some our longer-term members—but the sentiment remains. It is entirely likely that at some point, the church will fail you or you will fail the church.

“A time may come when the church doesn’t do something that you believe is important. We may fail to act on an issue or even act in a manner opposite of what you would desire. At the same time it is possible that you won’t do something that the church asks of you or you will not do it in the way that other church members hope and expect.”

This is quite natural, we tell them, and while it is sad, it is part of being imperfect people banding together in an imperfect way to create an imperfect institution. The most important part of this message is what comes after this warning. We tell them, “It isn’t that what happened isn’t important (pardon the double negative). It is, but what is more important is what happens next. If our covenanted community stands for anything, it stands for being together, through our imperfections and working to improve our church and world with every opportunity. If we can live in this kind of community then the church we build together, new and old, is alive.”

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The Reverend Mark W. Christian serves the “1UC in OKC,” aka First Unitarian Church of Oklahoma City. When asked how long he has been there, Mark answers “Somewhere between 14 and 57 years.” He returned to lead the church he grew up in back in 2001. Mark has a long list of UU leadership positions serving as a Congregational President (before going to seminary), Unitarian Universalist Ministers Association Chapter President, on the SouthWest Unitarian Universalist Conference Board (twice now), on the UUMA Exec as Secretary and as a Ministerial Settlement Representative. He takes great pride in the 1UC’s youth programming and community organizing work.

The following blog post was first published last February 2014.  Minor changes have been made.

Yes, I’ve drunk the electric green and blue Kool-Aid.  I’ve gone belly up to Seahawks mania out here in the Pacific Northwest.  And while the pronoun is not my preferred, I am the Seahawk’s12^th Man.  And while the metaphor is not perfect, I have come to understand that there is so much congregations can learn from the 12^th Man.  I want a congregation full of number 12 jerseys standing in the pews. And if Skittles end up all over the sanctuary carpet, so be it.

First of all, Seattle didn’t make up the 12^th Man.  The concept originated at Texas A&M in 1922. Seattle readily recognize this and the Seahawks will end up paying a breathtaking amount of money to Texas A&M for the use of the title. We made the model ours by adding Seahawk quirk and noise.   We don’t have to be the clever ones to make everything up.  We are fine adapting the best of what works.  Congregations, take note about the adapting other ideas, but don’t get caught up in lawsuits over it.

In this metaphor I’m thinking of the 12^th Man as the congregational members.  The board of directors and key volunteers are the players on the field.  The head coach is the minister. Specialized coaches are other key staff.  Work with me here.  It’s not perfect, but don’t get hung up on that or you’ll miss the lessons.

• Our job as 12 is to cheer our team on and create a vibrant, buzzy culture where success can flourish.
• We do not assume we know more about football than the players and coaches who have been practicing and preparing and have special training.
• We do not jump to the conclusion that because our tax dollars and our ticket fees help play for the coaches and players salaries we should get to vote on the plays.
• We do not email the players with suggestions on how to play. We are not Armchair Quarterbacks. That is not our job.  We cheer.  We make a joyful, booming noise.
• We do not pout at the coach’s choice of plays and suggest to the other 12^th Men around us that we could do a better job at coaching.
• We do not run on the field.  Even if we tried out for the team and were not picked this round.
• If our team is down and the strategies seem unclear from our view in the stands, we do not throw our water bottles on the field.  We do not boo.
• We do not call our beloved #25 a “thug” because of impassioned outbursts that don’t hurt anybody. We know there is so much more to #25, and we stand by him.
• Texas A&M’s 12^th Man example taught us, we stand for the game, symbolically ready for coach to put us in. We stand ready to serve if called upon. And until that time comes, we cheer until we are hoarse and our face hurts from smiling.  We shout and whoop to make sure our coach and team knows we’re right behind them through thick and thin.

I want that culture in our congregations, too.  I don’t even like football, but I’ll wear the #12 and shout for my team, because in the Pacific NW it’s become less about a sport and more about a unified community.  We are all the 12^th Man, whether you’re wearing a silk Seahawk tie or your earplugs are neon green or the number 12 is drawn in the mud on your truck.  The 12 is about coming together to cheer on something larger than us.  I want that for our faith tradition.

So please pay attention to the 12^th Man this Sunday during the Seahawk-Packer Game.  And don’t worry if the Seahawks don’t win the game.  We’ve already won.

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Rev. Tandi Rogers has enjoyed walking around around Tacoma feeling more connected through the common number 12. Come Sunday afternoon she will be covered in Seahawk bling and making a joyful noise.  On Monday she will be hoarse.  A special thank you to Susan Tusa, former president of Tahoma UU Congregation in Tacoma, WA who helped her write this piece.

Stephen Covey wrote…”your mission statement becomes your constitution, the solid expression of your vision and values. It becomes the criterion by which you measure everything else in your life.” So too in our congregations, a mission statement must be more than a plaque on the wall or an accessory to adorn your website home page. It must be the solid expression of your vision and values, to be lived out in everything you do and aspire to do.

The challenge is finding ways to make the mission statement a living document and to keep it out front so that members of your congregation see it and feel it and experience it all the time. My home congregation, the Unitarian Universalist Church of Delaware County in Media, Pennsylvania, has found a unique way to do this.

Our mission statement, Engage in Loving Community, Ignite Personal Growth, Serve with Integrity, forms the outline for the agenda in each Sunday’s Order of Service. We begin by “engaging in loving community” through morning songs, recitation of our covenant, greeting our neighbors, call to worship and chalice lighting, and a brief presentation from a member of the congregation on what engages them about our congregation and our Unitarian Universalist faith.

Next comes “Igniting personal growth” which includes the reading, a personal reflection related to the sermon theme by the worship associate, stones of joy and sorrow, the pastoral prayer, the singing of Spirit of Life, a period of sacred silence, and the sermon.

Finally, we honor “serve with integrity” by asking the congregation to take a few moments to reflect on the questions, “How have I lived out my Unitarian Universalist values and principles this past week? and “What are my intentions for the week ahead?” We then share one open service opportunity and invite the congregation to serve in this capacity. The service ends with the offertory, a closing hymn and a benediction.

Our order of service, then, enables us to live out our mission statement every time we come together to worship. Of course, living our mission requires more than following the order of service every week, but it serves as a wonderful, concrete reminder of who we are and what we stand for.

For more information about our worship service and its relation to our mission statement, please contact the Rev. Peter Friedrichs, Lead Minister, at minister@uucdc.org.

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Mark Bernstein is a member of the Congregational Life Staff of the Central East Region of the UUA and has been a loyal and loving member of the UU Church of Delaware County for over 21 years.   He has never met an order of service he didn’t like.

We look with uncertainty
beyond the old choices for
clear-cut answers
to a softer, more permeable aliveness
which is every moment
at the brink of death;
for something new is being born in us
if we but let it.
We stand at a new doorway,
awaiting that which comes…
daring to be human creatures,
vulnerable to the beauty of existence.
Learning to love.
– We Look with Uncertainty by Anne Hillman

January 1, 2015 ushered in the invitation to cross, yet, another threshold into uncertainty with the hope of something new and more alive with mercy, love, justice, and equity.

Someone shared a reflection piece by Parker Palmer in a Facebook post over the holidays. Palmer, founder and Senior Partner of the Center for Courage & Renewal, is a world-renowned writer, speaker and activist.

Parker, inspired by Anne Hillman‘s poem, offered these personal reflection questions to consider as we cross this threshold from 2014 to 2015. He offered the questions as a living practice. I was drawn to the questions and wondered what it might be like to consider these questions in small groups in our congregations.

• How can I let go of my need for fixed answers in favor of aliveness?
• What is my next challenge in daring to be human?
• How can I open myself to the beauty of nature and human nature?
• Who or what do I need to learn to love next? And next? And next?
• What is the new creation that wants to be born in and through me?

Unitarian Universalism invites a faith journey of transformation, both personally and collectively when we dare to learn how to love and build Beloved Community. I wondered how we might live into new realities if we were to embrace these questions, together, as a Unitarian Universalist discernment practice this year. Let me know if you take the plunge!

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Jeanelyse committed to Unitarian Universalism after exploring world religions, metaphysics, Taoism and reclaiming her Christian roots. She delights in interfaith service and dialogue and is committed to building Beloved Community. A graduate of Starr King School for the Ministry, Jeanelyse is dedicated to personal and social transformation manifested through engaged-faith practices and covenants that inspire missions of love and justice. She serves Unitarian Universalism and liberal religion in the Pacific Central District and the Pacific Western Region. Jeanelyse is an amateur gardener, is awed by nature and is married to Bob Adams, educator and UU lay-leader. Together, they enjoy four adult children, a teenage grandson and a rescue dog named Lady Jane. Jeanelyse may be reached at jadams@uua.org

At the Unitarian Universalist Association, we are committed to including and advocating for youth across the denomination. To help us do this work, the Office of Youth and Young Adult Ministries created “Youth Inclusion Guidelines” for UUA staff to identify ways and strategies to include youth at UUA events. Some models of best practice follow; if you’d like to develop your own best practices for including youth in your congregation please contact your district/regional staff or the Office of Youth and Young Adult Ministries. Each local faith community should develop its own safety and inclusion guidelines reflecting its unique situation, context, insurance, and state and local laws.

The 2009 Youth Ministry Working Group Report cast this vision for youth ministry in Unitarian Universalism:

“In the world of our dreams, our faith communities are multigenerational, multicultural sacred spaces in which vital connections are made among peers and across generations. In the world of our dreams, our faith communities are life-giving and affirming places in which people with different life experiences are valued. In the world of our dreams, our faith communities appreciate every age as a unique and essential part of the larger whole, without whom the congregation would be incomplete.”

Multigenerational ministry can be practiced in a number of ways, and we have identified best practices to include youth in the work of the Association:

• We understand that youth who participate in multigenerational UUA events are peers of the participating adults in terms of inclusion in discussions, conducting business, or valuing their contributions.
• If possible, it is helpful for youth to serve in groups of two or more on UUA committees or other leadership bodies to avoid isolation of being a sole youth.
• All members of committees and leadership bodies should think about how to serve youth, rather than leaving it to youth themselves to raise concerns.
• Adults should always be conscious of how their behavior is welcoming or exclusive for youth, even outside of formally scheduled events. This includes language and explicit references, smoking, drug or alcohol consumption (never appropriate at youth-specific events), etc.

These are just some of the practices identified for the Unitarian Universalist Association to better serve the youth of our faith. At the Associational level, this means programs like the Youth Observer to the Board of Trustees, Luminary Leaders, Summer Seminary, and youth serving on UUA Committees.

Check your congregation’s Safe Congregations policy for a good place to find the work your congregation is doing to create a healthy, safer community. After looking that over, you might want to ask yourself these questions:

• How do you include youth in your congregation?
• Do they serve on committees, the Board, or the pastoral care team? Do you have youth on the Worship Team?
• Are their opinions valued at congregational meetings; at Board or RE Committee meetings?

Scroll down and tell us how your congregation engages with and supports your youth leaders in the comments.

Note that the UUA has “in-house” guidelines for multigenerational events. You may access that newly-updated document here for ideas as you create your own guiding documents: Youth Inclusion Guidelines for the UUA- Updated 6.19.14.

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Bart Frost serves as the Director of Youth and Young Adult Ministries at the UUA. As a raised UU, Bart’s passion is creating opportunities for younger leaders in our faith to share their skills with the world. When not at 24 Farnworth St working for the UUA, he is usually in New Orleans (where his partner Amelia resides) snuggling his two cats (and being harassed by the third) while watching hockey.